What about the truth?
About a decade ago, while they were all still living, my dad and his siblings agreed to let us film a video of them speaking about life growing up. As children of Jewish immigrants during the eras of pogroms and arriving in a country rife with antisemitism, they had a studied practice of withholding such personal reflection. And these four people, raised together in Breckenridge and Fort Worth, Texas by the same two parents, spanning only about an eight year age difference, sat down to tell their stories of growing up.
They each told, at times, wildly different stories. And each of them is perfectly true.
Multiple truths can coexist peacefully
My cousin’s wife (a producer) and I worked through the videos and transcripts to bring this video to life in a compilation. And we made a studied practice of ensuring each sibling’s truth was heard, right alongside the other sibling’s. Mostly, they were humorous. “Mom was a great cook.” “Mother was a terrible cook.” Listening to their stories, their unique truths of childhood, heard side by side, were beautiful. Touching. At times humorous. And altogether true for each of them.
The most powerful and fascinating part of this effort was how beautifully the multiple truths of their childhood could coexist, without disturbing the other.
When it comes to human relationships, truth isn’t an absolute, monolithic thing. Truth in relationships is as complex as we are as human beings, breathed into life with our unique perspectives and interpretations.
Relationship over right. Curiosity over correct.
As an organizational coach, I see this on teams all the time. Each member of the team has been a part of something that happened to the team — but processed it or remembered it differently. Struggling teams with low trust will challenge others’ versions of the truth by saying something along the lines of “You have to accept that MY truth is the right one before we proceed.”
More successful teams value the diversity of perspective.
Teams with higher trust and positivity will ask questions, get curious, lean into their relationships to learn what created this rich tapestry of opinions. They try to learn from each other and leverage the dissonance as much as the alignment in their views.
Appreciating diversity also means embracing that we process events differently.
What if our relationship superpower is that we do come to truths so differently? Imagine what is possible then.
